goodbye 2009

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I can't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

the idiot is my favorite book. just saying. i love you joan. iggy and thelonious, marvelous dolls. purchased two new pairs of boots, one cardigan, wool scarf, and new gloves for when im riding joan. promotion was lovely. burned the bridge, burned it all the way down. i apologize, you know it wasn't me. dostoevsky, thank you. move to california soon. i regret not visiting the mountains enough. saw the road. still haven't touched a drop. the silent treatment gets to me now and then, but whatever. i found a new love; smart, sexy, refined. eat your heart out. or don't. i dont mind. thelonious is laying on my feet right now, hahaha. shush iggy. oi, i miss manuel. good chap, full of life. i enjoyed oregon. new british pub opened, good food. courtney is a delight, a fresh light. that rhymed. i contributed money AGAIN to the following : kexp.org, npr.org, the audobon society, and the objectivist center. been going to a lot of plays lately. lomography is fun, trying new films and such. i absolutely love the new animal collective! until next time, which is myself reading what i wrote down and laughing, have a lovely life....and dont forget to set your alarm for 7:30, you have work in the morning !!!!!!!