ok

julian casablancas this sunday. pick up vespa saturday. find out if i'm promoted this week as well. had a wonderful birthday, and a lot of feelings and fears were answered; i love you. the city was beautiful, and her apartment just what i expected. my kittens are getting big. fabulous book of poetry as well, very nice. death be not proud, i will not live it down. i could stay up and speak all night to you. i hope you realize the true depth of what i say. but i know you do. so let it be, christian. still going strong, i am beating you everyday. i will not give up my happiness any longer to conform to society's notion of "living."

the things we lost in the dark

52 days.
i know.
to not rate in the eyes, and realize this, yet continue on. delusional, or determined. up's and down's. loneliness. loss of madness, yet beginning of another phase. seeing love soon. nothing more, nothing less. fools rush in where angels fear to tread. so many questions. fear of being sorted to the side, "tisk tisk tisk." behave yourself, son. i cannot even so much as say a single word about the fact that i have spent so many countless months toiling away at something that most certainly will never come to fruition. i am so fucking frustrated with religious boundaries yadda yadda yadda. no more books, nor songs of desire, will fill the void that im none too certain really ever could be. make sense? didnt think so.


fix the vespa. ride the skateboard. enjoy the weather. take lots of pictures. smoke far too much. write, tear, ponder, walden. the feelings of emptiness subside only when i think of you. corny, i completely know. but it's fall, and that is most certainly allowed.