meow!

life is good. i really have nothing to complain about. i was patient, and it paid off. i love you. moving back to california soon. so yeahhh....i'm a happy camper. the new spoon album is good. got a new ipod hooked up to my new audi a3 (which i adore). my girlfriend is the most amazing girl; i couldnt be happier. lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa byeeeeeee.

Jay Reatard R.I.P.

simply amazing. i am stunned by the loss of such a great musician and performer. a piece of rock n' roll died yesterday.

goodbye 2009

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I can't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

the idiot is my favorite book. just saying. i love you joan. iggy and thelonious, marvelous dolls. purchased two new pairs of boots, one cardigan, wool scarf, and new gloves for when im riding joan. promotion was lovely. burned the bridge, burned it all the way down. i apologize, you know it wasn't me. dostoevsky, thank you. move to california soon. i regret not visiting the mountains enough. saw the road. still haven't touched a drop. the silent treatment gets to me now and then, but whatever. i found a new love; smart, sexy, refined. eat your heart out. or don't. i dont mind. thelonious is laying on my feet right now, hahaha. shush iggy. oi, i miss manuel. good chap, full of life. i enjoyed oregon. new british pub opened, good food. courtney is a delight, a fresh light. that rhymed. i contributed money AGAIN to the following : kexp.org, npr.org, the audobon society, and the objectivist center. been going to a lot of plays lately. lomography is fun, trying new films and such. i absolutely love the new animal collective! until next time, which is myself reading what i wrote down and laughing, have a lovely life....and dont forget to set your alarm for 7:30, you have work in the morning !!!!!!!

ok

julian casablancas this sunday. pick up vespa saturday. find out if i'm promoted this week as well. had a wonderful birthday, and a lot of feelings and fears were answered; i love you. the city was beautiful, and her apartment just what i expected. my kittens are getting big. fabulous book of poetry as well, very nice. death be not proud, i will not live it down. i could stay up and speak all night to you. i hope you realize the true depth of what i say. but i know you do. so let it be, christian. still going strong, i am beating you everyday. i will not give up my happiness any longer to conform to society's notion of "living."

the things we lost in the dark

52 days.
i know.
to not rate in the eyes, and realize this, yet continue on. delusional, or determined. up's and down's. loneliness. loss of madness, yet beginning of another phase. seeing love soon. nothing more, nothing less. fools rush in where angels fear to tread. so many questions. fear of being sorted to the side, "tisk tisk tisk." behave yourself, son. i cannot even so much as say a single word about the fact that i have spent so many countless months toiling away at something that most certainly will never come to fruition. i am so fucking frustrated with religious boundaries yadda yadda yadda. no more books, nor songs of desire, will fill the void that im none too certain really ever could be. make sense? didnt think so.


fix the vespa. ride the skateboard. enjoy the weather. take lots of pictures. smoke far too much. write, tear, ponder, walden. the feelings of emptiness subside only when i think of you. corny, i completely know. but it's fall, and that is most certainly allowed.

sure thing jellybean

i found solace in nature. sobriety has its kicks, and i've always battled to stay on the straight and narrow. walking through the woods, actually smelling and seeing, is something im not willing to give up these days. im content with most aspects of my life. i saw a lot of beautiful birds this weekend, and caught up on a ton of reading. giving Ulysses a fourth read, because james joyce is just marvelous like that. i learned switch tre flip's again, yheee boiii. hmmm, what else? i feel my mind coming to an easier, simple pace. for as long as i can remember, my mind was addled with vodka and a whole shitload of other drink. quitting has been the most difficult, yet fulfilling endeavor ive come across in recent memory. other than that, one day at a time blah blah blah, and i hope to come to a happier, more sound mental state.

die doggy die

Thank-you , dear Walter, for that excruciating burst of adrenaline that you provide for me on a daily basis. As i am nearing the completion of my ten mile bike ride, my energy is waning and my spirit is becoming weak. The urge to abandon my trek is overwhelming, when suddenly, you burst from the front porch, barking, snarling, panting, froth dripping from your flabby jowls, your fangs glinting in the sunlight. Your mistress, the old crone, stands on the porch in her faded housecoat, clapping her hands frantically, shrieking "Walter, Walter , bad boy....come back here!" to no avail. You are a disobedient old cur and continue your pursuit, eyeing my ample rear as if it were indeed a rump roast. Your mistress calls out reassuringly that Walter is completely harmless and he just wants to play. I remain unconvinced as he latches on to my seersucker capris with remarkable force. "Don't be afraid", she exhorts me. "he can smell fear" HAH! I am about to soil my new gel bike seat. Terror is oozing from my every pore. And there it is - that amazing influx of adrenaline that spurs me on my way! I ride like the wind!, I can ride anywhere!, I can climb mountains!, I can run a marathon! I give Walter a kick to the chops, while housecoat lady screams "Don't hurt my baby!" and I am outta there. However, at my age, I am becoming concerned about this daily dose of adrenaline and am becoming increasingly concerned about its' effect on my circulatory system. So, tomorrow, Walter, I am ready for you. I purchased some dog repellent spray. We will meet tomorrow. I'll be cruising by on my trusty old bike, and you will be rolling on the yard with your rheumy eyes smarting from the pepper spray. The container boasts of a twenty foot stream, so I may have a little squirt for you mistress as well. See ya tomorrow.